BN Politicians Hail New MACC Interrogation Technique

A new MACC interrogation technique has received accolades from BN politicians who hail this as a new invention which will speed up interrogation of suspects and witnesses.

This product of MACC’s  R&D was spearheaded by Hishamuddin Hashim, Deputy head of Selangor MACC who led a team to research, innovate and refine this new technique.

Said Hishamuddin, “We needed an effective interrogation technique to be used on stubborn witness to extract or coerce information in the least possible time.  This is what we came up with after 6 months of intensive research, tests and brainstorming.”

The technique consists of using a specially made pointed rod to repeatedly penetrate the anus until the witness is broken down. If the special rod is not available a broom stick may be used instead.

“It’s fast, it’s cheap and it’s effective,” said Hishamuddin.  “I wonder why nobody has thought of this before. We call it the Anal Penetration Technique or APT”.

APT was first used in a field trial on Teoh Beng Hock, a DAP political aide and MACC said the results are encouraging but need some fine tuning so that the victim can survive to testify in court. However, he cautioned that APT should be used in high rise buildings as the interrogators may need to “finish the job” if things get out of hand.

MACC Chief Ahmad Said was full of praise for his men saying, “This is the best innovation for law enforcement agencies. I think we should copyright this technique.”

He said that several regimes such as Burma and Zimbabwe are interested in learning more and have contacted him.

Accolades poured in from BN politicians who hail the APT as “Malaysia’s gift to despotic regimes of the world.”

Prime Minister Najib said that this proves that “Malaysia Boleh!” Home Minister Hishamuddin Hussein commended MACC and said this invention will result in more security to the nation.  Retired PM Mahathir also gave the thumbs up and KPI Minister Koh Tsu Koon said this shows that Malaysia leads the world in interrogation technology.

When asked if the APT will violate human rights, Koh said that this does not arise as Malaysia does not need to ape the West on human rights.

-          Bernama